Reclaiming What You Gave Away: Coming Back to Yourself After Years of Being Everything for Everyone
You didn’t lose yourself—you gave her away piece by piece to be liked, needed, and responsible. This is the season of return, one small act of reclamation at a time.
The Realization
The house was quiet for the first time in decades. My son had graduated high school and left for the military, and the marriage I’d built my life around had ended. It was just me and my dog now, the hum of the refrigerator filling the space where laughter used to live.
There was no chaos, no dramatic breakdown, just silence. And inside that silence, a wave of emptiness rolled in.
For years, my days had been full: schedules, responsibilities, constant motion...and then suddenly, all that activity was gone. I remember standing there one evening, hands on the kitchen counter, realizing I didn’t even know what I liked anymore, let alone who I was. People expect to go through that phase of self-discovery in their twenties, but to be standing there in my forties, unsure of who I was beyond the roles I’d played, was jarring.
The Moment That Shifted Me
I had been so busy being everything for everyone else: the reliable one, the steady one, the peacekeeper...that I’d quietly misplaced myself along the way. It wasn’t from one big decision. It was a thousand small ones. Each time I said yes when I wanted to say no. Each time I prioritized someone else’s comfort over my own truth. I didn’t lose myself overnight. I gave myself away piece by piece, until one day, there was no one left to perform for. Just me.
The Question
Maybe you know that feeling too. You did everything right: the career, the caregiving, the constant showing up...only to wake up wondering where you went. There's nothing wrong with you, you’re simply out of practice with yourself. For so long you’ve been the dependable one, the steady one, the one who keeps it all running. And now, when the noise quiets, there’s this ache that asks, What about me?
The Reclamation
So many women reach this season and mistake it for a crisis. But it isn’t collapse, it’s reclamation. It’s the moment your soul starts whispering that it’s time to return. Reclaiming isn’t about rebellion, it’s repair. It’s about gathering back what you gave away: the voice you softened, the rest you postponed, the dreams you tucked away for later. It’s remembering that you were never meant to earn your worth through sacrifice.
The Small Changes
When I started reclaiming myself, it wasn’t with grand gestures. It began in small ways. I said no without apologizing. I took a walk instead of answering one more email. I let myself rest before everything was done. And little by little, I felt myself coming home. That’s what this season is asking of you too: one small act of reclamation at a time.
Practice: A Soul Reset Moment
Take a breath. Place a hand on your heart, another on your belly, and ask: What part of me have I been leaving behind? Let one word or image surface: joy, rest, creativity, laughter. Choose one small act this week that honors it. Write it on a note. Keep it where you’ll see it. Every time you follow through, you rebuild trust with the woman you’re becoming.
Your Invitation
If you’ve been feeling the pull to return to yourself, to stop doing this work alone, I created a space for that. Inside The Soul Circle, we practice the art of coming home: month by month, conversation by conversation. It’s a place to remember who you are, reclaim what you gave away, and rebuild a rhythm that nourishes you. Your first month is just $1, because I want you to experience what happens when women gather with intention.
You haven’t lost yourself. You’ve just been waiting for the moment you decide to come back. That moment can be now.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if I’ve been giving myself away?
Answer: You might notice it in subtle ways: feeling resentful, numb, or constantly tired even when life looks good on paper. You say yes when you want to say no. You quiet your needs to keep the peace. Over time, that self-silencing builds a quiet ache that says, something’s missing.
What does reclaiming myself actually look like?
Answer: It’s not a full reinvention, it’s a gentle return. Reclaiming can look like resting without guilt, saying no without explanation, or letting yourself want something again. It’s choosing truth over performance, one small act at a time.
Is it selfish to focus on myself after years of caring for others?
Answer: No, it’s sacred. When you refill yourself, everyone around you benefits. The love, energy, and clarity you offer from fullness are far more powerful than what you give from depletion.
Where do I start if I feel completely disconnected?
Answer: Start small and start kind. One honest breath. One quiet walk. One question whispered aloud: What do I need today? If you want guidance, The Soul Reset offers simple tools to begin, and The Soul Circle gives you a supportive space to practice coming home to yourself.
✨ The Soul Circle — community to reconnect and rise together.
✨ The Soul Reset — calming practices and reflection tools.
✨ Soul Notes — weekly reflections to stay aligned.
✨ 1:1 Coaching — personal guidance for the woman ready to lead from within.